This morning was what I needed

As I wrote about in my earlier post Living La Vida Lockdown, my friends have taken me in for many weekends since this all started.  It has kept my spirits up for the most part, but inevitably I have phases where I feel very alone.  Since my family is in Canada, they are sleeping until my late afternoon. This means I can’t just call for a quick hello, laugh, cry.  Sometimes that simple limitation leaves me quite sad.

The ongoing country wide 7pm curfew is also isolating for a single person who lives alone.  I am physically by myself far more than I ever have been.  I am an extrovert so this solitude builds up for me until I have mini self pity breakdowns and over indulge in Netflix binge watching.  It is surprising how many series (yes series, not just episodes) that one can plow through in a week. 

Yesterday, for no particular reason, I finally signed up with the Canadian Consulate in Uganda and immediately received email notification of a repatriation flight next week.  Given my pre-existing state of mind, my loneliness kicked up to homesickness and I actually considered trying to get on the flight.  The problem is that the deadline to sign up is July 1st. I received the email on June 29th leaving me no time to make a non-emotional decision.  So this repatriation flight is out because this is not a decision to make quickly or emotionally.

I know I am not the only person whose sleep has suffered through this Covid lockdown, social isolation period. I do not sleep well at the best of times but lately I wake up even more throughout the night, and have some crazy dreams.  Last night I woke up around 3am and did not start drifting back to sleep before 4:30, and even then I was in and out of slumber.

When my alarm went off at 6:15 to get me up for my morning 15 minutes on the stationary bike my first instinct was self pitying indulgence.  Too tired, no sleep, skip today.  But I didn’t skip.  I got up and got on the bike.  Good thing #1.

Part of my morning ride is watching a TedTalk.  Today I chose “There’s more to life than being happy” by speaker Emily Esfahani Smith.  It is just over 12 minutes long and I recommend it. She names four pillars to having meaning in our lives:  Belonging, Purpose, Transcendence and Storytelling.  Good thing #2  *I recommend the TedTalk app.  It makes searching, saving and watching Talks so easy.  

It was a glorious sunny morning, not too hot, blue sky.  The sort or morning where the birds are out singing in force.  Good thing #3

The Uganda government has lifted some of the lockdown restrictions and morning life in my neighbourhood has started to return to pre-Covid normal, albeit with reduced traffic.  People are more relaxed, and there are simply more of us walking to work.  The people I pass regularly will never know how they blessed me today.  Good things 4+++

The Rolex Lady, also from an earlier post ¨A Different Side of My Neighbourhood” returned my good morning.  She did not used to, but always does now. 

Two little boys who often do not notice me decided this was the morning to wave to the lady walking by.  They kept waving and saying Hi over and over, until I had passed when they kept waving but switched to Bye.  It is a universal truth that toddlers are great bringers of joy.

Next the Cassava Lady gave me a hearty hello.  She sits at her hot oil every morning,  Peeling, chopping and frying the cassava to sell to passers by.  I have told her she is the hardest working woman in Muyenga.  Cassava is not easy to work with.  It is quite difficult to peel and to cut.  she is often too busy to look up and see my smile of greeting.

Sitting in the little shop beside Cassava Lady was a gentleman I have passed many times on the road.  Enough times that we regularly acknowledge each other with a hello, how are you.  Today we did not pass on the road but we smiled and said good morning in a new context.  A context that made me feel part of the community, not just in orbit around it.

Up the road I walked.  Smiling and being smiled at.  Saying hello and getting a return smile from a young man I have seen almost every weekday morning, my whole time  in Kampala.  His pre-lockdown response was often no response. Now he always gives me a smile or wave.  

By the time I arrived at work to the friendly welcome of the security team, my spirit was replenished.  I felt a renewed sense of pillar #1, Belonging. 

I am sure this is not a permanent state.  The waves of emotion – loneliness, confidence, ease, acceptance, frustration, sadness, unease – they are not getting bigger but it seems they are coming and going faster.